Sunday, May 10, 2009

So, You Live In Cleveland!

Below is a story from, America’s most miserable sports cities (2009)
By Tom Van Riper, May 8, 5:05 pm EDT

Yes, it is true...Clevelanders DO love being miserable!

We have two seasons; Winter and Summer!

Ya can't get your leaves picked up by November 'cause it snows so early and cutting the grass in April/May is like driving a convertible in the Rain Forest.

But we have people to do that...really.

In fact, that's what keeps the economy so brisk here is that when things get to a disaster level, we call someone to help.

The electricity can go out for a week at a time if winds get over 5 MPH or snow accumulates to an inch or more.

The river burns, the lake almost died, the inner belt bridge is about to collapse, but worst of all...all of those life threatening issues aside, we haven't had a sports championship since 1964.

We can take all of the fire and brimstone but we can't take that!

As Swine Flu threatens us from our western suburbs, what is really on every Clevelanders' mind is what is wrong with our Tribe and how will the Cavaliers blow it?!

(Forget about Eric Mangini, the Browns won't have a winning season until he is a footnote in another book of bad Cleveland jokes.)

If you are old enough to remember a TV show called, "The Many Loves Of Dobie Gillis" then you may not be senile enough to forget that the Cleveland Browns won the NFL championship in 1964.

That's about the time Dobie Gillis went off the air. On the show was a character named Maynard G. Krebbs who was played by Bob "Gilligan" Denver. Maynard loved monster movies and he was particularly fanatical about one that he mentioned on just about every show. That fictional movie was "The Monster That Devoured Cleveland."
We loved it when beatnik Maynard referred to it, or the many sequels like "Son Of" and "Son Of The Son Of The Monster That Devoured Cleveland!"

So what the hell happened to us?

Did a sports monster devour Cleveland?

Remember "Red Right 88?" That was the familiar play that cost the Browns their SuperBowl berth in 1981. Of course, by coach Sam Rutiglianno opting to throw one more Brian Sipe pass instead of going to his normally very consistent field goal kicker Don Cockroft for a "gimmie" on the very frigid and frozen tundra of the old wind whipped off of the lake Municipal Stadium, our fate was sealed and hearts in Cleveland all cracked in a huge ear shattering snap. But not to worry, as Sam said of the outcome in a post game interview, "There are 3 billion Chinese people who will wake up tomorrow and not care that we lost this game."

You moron! What about the 1.5 million (back then) Clevelanders that suffered through yet another Cleveland sports disappointment?

Well, things have gone from disappointment to humiliation at the hands of Michael Jordan, John Elway, John Elway, John Elway, Earnest Byner, David Justice (before he was traded to the Indians), Jose Mesa, Edgar Renteria, the San Antonio Spurs, Manny Ramirez, Kevin Youkilis, Dustin Pedroia, the Red Sox Nation, and the Boston Celtics. (Who have I forgotten?)

Well, it is up to Lebron James and his Cavaliers to deliver a championship to Cleveland and it has to happen now!

Just forget the Cleveland Indians for now and the next few seasons because they are done!

I was listening to the game last night driving home and heard a commercial that may explain where much of their problem, at least in management lies. The commercial was by radio voice Tom Hamilton who was advertising for Man Power. He said that the Cleveland Indians go to Man Power for their staffing needs.

Well, hell! That explains Shapiro, Wedge, Willis and the whole lot of shallow thinkers that make the decisions that most affect the team!

These are the same guys that want you to think that it is the players who are the problem and not the coaches and management.


Who is still on this team from the most recent heartbreak of 2007?

Betancourt, Carmona, Laffey, Lee, J. Lewis, Sowers, Martinez, Shoppach, Barfield, Cabrera, Garko, Peralta, Choo, Dellucci, Francisco, and Sizemore.

64% of the 25 man roster (not counting those on the DL) that almost went to the World Series in 2007 are still on this team.

Do you still think it is the players fault in 2008 and 2009?

Come on Cavs, gotta make it are the only hope of a town starving for a winner and desperately looking to change an image!

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