Thursday, July 3, 2008

Groundhog Day, Groundhog Day, Groundhog Day,...

Groundhog Day or Gopher Ball Night?

The Cleveland Indians find themselves trapped in a losing streak, night after night with similar results. Two nights in a row, they lost in the 10th inning to the Chicago White Sox as the victims of the looooooooonnnnnnngggggg ball. Just how do they stop the losing?...

“They say we're young and we don't know
We won't find out until we grow”

Today, in Minnesota on an off day, Eric Wedge and his coaching staff will be on a conference call with G.M. Mark Shapiro and his staff. I would love to be a fly on the wall…no, better yet, I would rather be Vice President of Public Relations Bob DiBiasio as Bill Murray in Groundhog Day addressing the Cleveland Indians, knowing that you have nothing to lose because tomorrow, when you wake up, you will still be in Cleveland and in last place!

Here is how the call could go…
Wedge: “OK you guys, we are dialed in and we will be starting soon.”
Pitching Coach Carl Willis: “Hey, how about passing me some more of those sausage links.”
3rd Base Coach Joel Skinner: “Sorry, I gotta put up a stop sign or we will run out.”
Batting Coach Derek Shelton: “Wow, these hot cakes are delish! What are they made with?”
1st Base Coach Jeff Datz: “Batter, something you know nothing about!”
Bong! The Cleveland front office joins the call.
G.M. Mark Shapiro: “Good morning everyone. I just want to start the call and set the tone. I know we lost again last night but there is no need to panic. So, let’s talk about next steps.”
Wedge: “Well, we are gonna just keep after it until we get this thing turned around. We are still making adjustments but so are the other teams and…”
Bob DiBiasio interrupts: “Hold it, all of you! I’m sick of the same bull crap every day! Your coaching staff is ill-equipped to make even the slightest adjustments, the manager is out of focus and has lost the respect of the team, the general manager has provided no talent to help the team, we are on the verge of losing our Cy Young ace and our versatile RBI leader to free agency, and ownership has got long pockets and short arms! What the hell do you all think this is? I’ll tell you what we are going to do…Dolan, sign Sabathia and Blake today! Get your ass on a plane to Minnesota right now and do whatever it takes to secure our future with these two guys. Shapiro, package Byrd and Marte and trade them today for a hitter, any hitter! Start bringing up some talented players from the minors that want to win. Put Choo, Dellucci, and Peralta on the trading block as well. Wedge, get off your ass and hold your coaches accountable to put a winning team on the field by tomorrow night or you will all see fireworks like you’ve never seen. We start winning tomorrow, is that clear?!!!!!”
Of course, DiBiasio knows he will wake up tomorrow in last place again. He is right but, because he was the only one with the balls to shake things up and drive accountability in the organization, the Indians begin to win and the repetitious nightmare is over!

Go Get 'Em, Bobby!

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