EPA Investigates Tribe!

The Cleveland Indians ground crew received rave reviews for their gallant attempts to clear Jacobs Field from a monstrous snowstorm that dumped over 20” of snow on the playing field throughout the weekend. Creativity was a big part of their game as the ground crew utilized over 50 leaf blowers to move and melt the constant barrage of snow. However, not everyone appreciated their creativity. The use of the leaf blowers attracted the attention of the Environmental Protection Agency. Because these handy gadgets use a mixture of gasoline and oil to propel their motors, the EPA has taken exception to their concentrated usage at the Jake. “It appears that a huge hole in the o-zone has opened up over Jacobs Field due to the overuse of these ecological destructors,” said Dick Everhard of the EPA. He continued, “The hole in the atmosphere will more than likely stay over the baseball field continuing to dump snow and ice in the area from now through November.” This news puts all of the Cleveland Indians home games in jeopardy for the season. But a representative of the Indians brass, who asked to remain nameless, debates and refutes this theory. He said, “We have it from a very good source, our own veteran weatherman Dick Guddard, that this o-zone hole will in fact provide the Indians with very dry and unseasonably warm weather over the Jake for the next 3 years.” Based on this new information, the Tribe is encouraging their fans to wear “beach attire” to this weekend’s home series vs. the Chicago White Sox.
On another note, the Tribe announced today that all fans bringing an aerosol can to the Jake this weekend will be admitted for half price.